She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
