please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
