Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
