when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
