For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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