ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Your tits are I can't wait for
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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