Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm having to shit out rocks
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