i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
