A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
