Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
