If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
