happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
