when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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