Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize