Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
