I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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