You really coming over, don't trick.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
