Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
