So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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