If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
