things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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