this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
