4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
