Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
