I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
