Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
