she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
