Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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