i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
