I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
