u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
