Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
