Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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