1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.