I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up