yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
