Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
