Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.