My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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