The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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