i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can