I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.