Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.