He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
