I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.