hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.