was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
ttyl tear gas
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone