i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.