First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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