New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
