So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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