Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize