I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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