After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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