it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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