Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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