2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
