i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
