I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
