Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
