were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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