Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
