the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
