I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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