worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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