Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
