i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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