yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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