I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
