He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
