These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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