I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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