Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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