Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
