Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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