Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
