I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
